the thought of losing my hormones is making me very suicidal

transition is the ONE good thing that’s ever happened to me in my life. i live in the US in a red state and the thought of losing my hormones has me extremely suicidal. every day the ideation gets worse and i don’t think im going to survive this presidency.

i’m so so so close to just giving up. everyone always says the most important form of activism we can do is to keep living, but what’s there to live for?

if i lose my hormones i lose everything. i’m going to give up and just die. i can’t go back to being a boy. i can’t go back.

idk what to do. i don’t know how to even smile anymore, getting out of bed everyday is like climbing a mountain. this depression im feeling towards this all is starting to affect my ability to do my job. i’m just so tired and scared. i just want to be myself, that’s all ive ever wanted.