38F and 34M, married wanting kids but virtually no sex life exists. Am I allowed to be mad?

My husband and I have been married for 7 years, and when we first got together we had a healthy sex life. It all changed after a traumatic experience he had on deployment our second year of marriage. He grew physically distant and didn't like talking about it. Eventually, he admitted he felt not like himself and "less of a man." I have tried my hardest to support him and lift him up, and we are the best of friends, but nothing changed in the bedroom. I feel like I live with my best friend. We cuddle often, we talk sweet to each other, and he tells me he wants to have a baby, but how tf is that supposed to happen if we don't actually try.

I'm literally sick of getting rejected by my own husband. My self esteem is obliterated. I try to lose weight (I'm averagely chubby, lol) so I can look and feel good, and also it's an outlet for my frustration, but it doesn't matter how skinny or chubby I am, it's always the same. I try to do my own thing bc I don't want to bug him, but he still finds excuses not to have sex when we're right on the cusp of it. I have had nightmares too many times to count about a scenario my brain makes up to justify the rejection. I had a nightmare last night that we were picking out wall paper for our new home but also signing papers for a divorce bc he doesn't want to be with me. I feel so confused regularly. I try to initiate sex at different times of the day, so it's not like he doesn't have options. But I'm so sad right now. I feel like a creep for wanting him to want me and being mad that he doesn't me. What is wrong with me? I want a baby so bad, I almost want to go do something crazy to accomplish that. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Do I have a right to be angry at him? I feel like being mean to him but obviously that won't help anything at all. I don't know what to do.