my symptoms wouldn’t be as bad if i had friends

i have no friends. technically i have my roommate but they have a busy schedule and spend all their free time with their girlfriend so other than briefly in passing i haven’t actually hung out with them for at least three or four months except for one evening where we hung out for like two hours before bed like two and a half months ago. but thats a seperate issue and i digress….

last year, prior to my diagnosis, i had an extremely bad episode that in hindsight i 100 percent should’ve been hospitalized for. but i didn’t get my diagnosis until january. so ive had to get out of this episode, deal with the aftermath, and manage my still existing symptoms all by myself.

I have less bad days and the bad days aren’t quite as bad as they were before, but i still have have to learn to take care of myself and im so preoccupied with that im not able to work on my social skills and put myself out there PLUS the fact i have no friends is only making it even harder to get better.

i don’t think there’s any solution to this other than continuing to try and make progress in both managing my bipolar symptoms and trying to make new friends but it’s really slow. i’m trying to be compassionate towards myself but i just feel so pathetic and lonely it physically hurts.