You Didn't Make a Mistake

I've been thinking a lot about communication and learning how it's really about understanding where you're coming from and where your partner is coming from. Not just the text the subtext. I've been writing and rewriting a letter to someone with whom our relationship ended 2 years ago. I can see that I've been trying to convince her to see things from my point of view and yet that's not how I believe a relationship should work. So this is what I'm thinking of sending. I don't think the letter should attempt to convince her of anything. I think I should express that I am sorry, request a conversation, express curiosity, and express how I feel.

I really intend to reach out to her. She's been on my mind for 2 years, since she ended our relationship. I am searching for closure.

For a long time, I thought you made a mistake ending our relationship. It felt so good. I've grown a lot these last 2 years and I see a lot of things differently now. You didn't make a mistake. Our relationship wasn't working and I wasn't capable of acknowledging that. I had a lot of growth to do to be in the kind of relationship I wanted to be in with you. When it was ending I emotionally abandoned you and I waited for you to do the labor of repairing it. I'm so sorry i wasn't capable of hearing you and contributing to working on repairing our relationship. I'm so sorry I hurt you.

I'm curious if you'd be open to having a conversation. I've struggled for a long time to find closure from our relationship. I still think of you often and how things might have gone differently. For a long time, I thought "if only I'd been a better communicator" things wouldn't have ended. But I don't really know that. I've been working a lot on things and I'm in a place where I'd be able to receive anything you need to share with me. Our relationship wasn't working and I wasn't capable of acknowledging that. I wish I'd done the work before I met you. I loved how we used to connect. I loved learning about your world.

I have no idea if we could have fixed our relationship but I do wish that we could have navigated our breakup better. I would have liked to have remained your friend, to keep learning about you, about your world.

I respect if you don't wish to discuss something from over 2 years ago. Should we not speak again, please know, I loved you, I still love you or at least my memories of you. I think a part of me will always love you. Love is not transactional. You owe me nothing. You leaving me was profoundly painful and yet, two years later, the best thing that ever happened to me. You opened my heart to a world I continue to explore. I wouldn't be growing the way I am now if you hadn't left. Please know, loving you and losing you is the experience I am most grateful for in this life.