Mayhem is… underwhelming.

I don’t even know where to start… Maybe with the fact that I don’t care what genre this album is supposed to be. I stopped falling for the marketing blah blah a long time ago. I don’t care if this is “dark pop” (whatever that means), I just know she’s done this kind of music way better before.

The whole Mayhem aesthetic—cover, title, marketing—makes it seem like it’s gonna be dark and intense… but then the album itself is just full of polished, generic songs that all sound like something I’ve already heard a million times. It’s frustrating.

After my first listen, I felt a little nervous… like, I kept waiting for that moment. Something exciting, something unique. But it never came. The album has 14 songs, and not a single one really stuck with me or made me wanna hit replay. And since I did buy the album, I’m now forcing myself to like more than just the singles.

I straight-up didn't care for Disease at first—it legit sounds like a random Eurovision entry from a Balkan country. Abracadabra feels like it only exists so they can call the album “dark” or whatever. Gaga’s music has never felt this boring and overpolished before.

By the time I got to the end, the two singles were actually the best songs.

"Abracadabra" sounds like it was too bad for ARTPOP but in the end it seems to be the most powerful track here.

I had high hopes for Garden of Eden, thinking it might sound like those fake leaks on YouTube. Nope.

Vanish Into You is so obviously trying to be Bad Romance that it’s actually embarrassing. I love Bad Romance and even Judas (which is another copy of Bad Romance). It seems like she's just copying herself at this point again because she knows certain melodies work? Forcing nostalgia? Make people remember that she had this huge hit ages ago?

Zombieboy has a tiny Gwen Stefani Moment, yeah ... but overall it just sounds like another ARTPOP track and I never became friends with that one.

How Bad Do U Want Me—the first I heard it, I thought of Taylor Swift (and I don't even listen to Taylor Swift). No clue what the point was, other than trying to cash in on whatever’s trending. There’s zero originality here.

Shadow of a Man is straight-up Michael Jackson/Janet Jackson, but not in a cool, subtle way—more like an obvious, in-your-face way.

Blade of Grass? Sounds like Bad Romance meets Shallow meets APT … because apparently, that melody structure just works. And that’s annoying because it keeps making me think of other songs.

Die With A Smile doesn’t really fit the album at all, I guess they needed at least one guaranteed hit.

Overall, this album is just all over the place - literally "Mayhem" - but too safe, too generic, too careful. She’s clearly trying to appeal to as many people as possible, which might explain the basic lyrics (even though she hyped them up as super poetic and the best thing she’s ever written… yeah, okay).

There’s no energy, no fresh ideas, nothing new. Just a bunch of songs that sound like slightly worse versions of stuff that already worked for other artists.

I really hope Mayhem is a grower. Even Chromatica had more energy than this.