Lack of sex is taking a toll on my mental health/relationship

hello im using a throwaway for this. I feel like i need some type of feedback/advice and to just rant about this. I dont post often on this app, so I apologize in advance if im ignoring any etiquette lol.

This is about to be very long:

I (22F) am in a relationship with a long time friend of mine (25M) I love him so much, I've never felt such a connection with someone the way i have with him, he is my best friend. But there is a problem in the bedroom that has been going on since the beginning and hasnt gotten better. Starting from the beginning, I am a rather sexually experienced person and he was a virgin when we got together, the first couple times we tried to have sex he couldnt get it up, which I understood and comforted him because I know that its a big moment and he was probably very nervous.

Fast forward to now our sex life is really taking a negative toll on me. When we are alone together, he never initiates sex and we do it the same way every single time (kissing, sucking on my boobs, then sticking it in me). it never feels natural it feels like a routine and its really frustrating. I hate having to ask or verbally saying "I want to have sex" so he knows he can. Its like i'm your GIRLFRIEND and im with YOU. why does it seem like you're afraid to take control? (Like why dont your urges take over you?)

When we are about to do it, we have to get it in me fast or he'll lose his erection, and during sex it usually lasts 5 minutes and it is the opposite of intimate. i feel like hes not interested or not mentally there so it causes my mood to fade away sometimes and it feels awkward. He doesn't talk dirty, or do things while we have sex (example: licking,biting, kissing my body, hair pulling, choking) At most he will spank me while we do it or grab my butt and boobs. We haven't ever done any positions other than laying on our sides and doggy and cowgirl, we tried him on top and he couldnt get it in me and was barely moving, his dick is not even short so i dont know why he was struggling. And after sex I am always left feeling like it just got started and i want more, but after sex, no matter how hard i try he can only be hard once. I dont like being on top because it feels so awkward because he is just non expressional and im moaning and bouncing and hes just staring with a blank expression, I'm starting to believe I am bad at sex or not attractive enough to please him, I'm very insecure about my small chest so sometimes I feel like maybe if I had bigger boobs he would be more turned on and naturally sexual and i guess "animalistic" towards me, like maybe thats his preference, which isnt a problem to have a preferred body type. but why are you with me if i'm not 100% sexy to you? He tells me I'm his dream girl and that I am sexy but the way he does it with me, compared to other partners ive had, feels like he isnt really into it. I've tried telling him what I like, and nothing really changes. I've cried to him about it, told him this issue is something I can't live with in the long run, ive told him how much its negatively effecting my self esteem. And he swears he'll try but nothing ever changes its the same every. time.

I dread coming over to his place because i know he literally won't have sex with me or try anything, he will make out with me and grab on my body but it never goes further than that. I'm tired of initiating sex to the point i wont unless im in desperate need for it. I want him to want me so bad he just does it. Unless i literally take my pants off or tell him "I want to have sex" he wont try anything. I end up feeling rejected and ugly and leave feeling depressed. This has happened to many times and we've discussed it so many times im losing patience.

Last time this happened, I complained about it and he said, "I thought you were upset and I didn't want to try because I thought you were mad at me" I probably seemed upset because I was throwing myself at you for an hour and you never tried anything so i gave up and felt rejected.

I dont understand. Is it me? Is he nervous? Is he not attracted to me? I'm sorry if i sound like a shallow person. This has just been taking a toll on me and I feel like i'm unfuckable, which I didn't feel like before we got intimate. I haven't experienced this with any of my previous sex partners. And we probably do it around once or twice a month which is not enough for me. My insecurities are really bad now, I just dont understand what his problem is. I feel really miserable in the bedroom now and am starting to be afraid of sex and I now envy people who do have mind blowing sex. I apologize for this being so long lol