Suddenly lost my grip (38+4 weeks)

This whole pregnancy I’ve been surprisingly calm. I’ve had moments where I felt physically shitty, exhausted, missed my normal body, but overall I haven’t felt too depressed or anxious. I’ve generally been taking it all in stride, I’ve been pretty excited and optimistic actually, which honestly isn’t easy for me even in regular life. I’m no stranger to mental health problems, usually a bit of a basket case and bizarrely pregnancy has been a bit of a nice break from them until now.

I’m 38+4 today, and yesterday scheduled a planned c-section for next week, due to an LGA baby (>99% for EFW and AC, gestational diabetes), and very suddenly I feel like I got hit by a tidal wave of severe anxiety and depression.

All I can think about are the things that might be wrong with my baby or with me. I feel doubt about the decision to have a c-section. I’m terrified of the future. I have this sense of dread when i look at things like the crib that used to make me feel so happy. I have constant intrusive thoughts that I won’t love her, or she’s going to be horribly disabled, and i all these spiral around this central feeling that I am unfit to be a mother. And I’m wracked with guilt for bringing this awful energy into my body and I feel so sorry for this baby who deserves so much better than this.

Also, I can’t stop cleaning my house, all the while hating myself and my husband for being such a slobs to begin with. Lately I’m too exhausted to even keep up with the dishes or go downstairs to get myself water, but I feel suddenly manic, I am on my hands and knees scrubbing the walls and still everything looks so filthy. I’m only taking breaks to lay in bed and cry or right now, write this all down.

This feels so sudden and so drastic. I am taken completely off guard, has anyone else has gone through something like this near the end of their pregnancy?